I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
