Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He felt like a one man threesome
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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