On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
