So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
