Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
this boner is exhausting
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
