eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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