see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
