just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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