Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We are all done wearing pants today
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
