btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
