then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
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i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
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Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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