Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize