Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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