Will you blow on my dice?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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