I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
