Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
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Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
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I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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