did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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