I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
