it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
