Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
