I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
