I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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