batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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