Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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