I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
