Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
