Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
