last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
don't judge my taste in strippers
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
