Screwed.edu
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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