I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
