Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
