does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
