Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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