I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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