Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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