it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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