I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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