quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
