I got chris browned last night
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
