am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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