Screwed.edu
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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