There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize