i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize