I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
