Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
