I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
