Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
