I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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