I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
