So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
