Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
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Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
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He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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