He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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