The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life