we have pet lesbian snakes
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting