We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.