alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad