His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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