I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
