He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
